Nashville Hubby Style

A few nights last week, hubby had a multi day event through his company that allowed him to stay in downtown Nashville. He took a couple of pics and I figured I would share them with you ūüėČ  

October 15, 2013

Just wanted to share my photos from my candle lighting on October 15th, 2013. You may have seen from my previous posts why this is so important to me. I am the mother of 7 angels and the 15th is a worldwide candle lighting in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. These photos are definitely not of the best quality, but enjoy! And go visit Remembering Our...

Really sick :(

Sorry for lack of updates; we’ve been fighting colds here & I am down. Will be back as soon as I can! I’m pumping hope and vitamins into my body at an alarming speed, but all to no avail. I am not sure what exactly was going around here, (I was the 3rd person at my pharmacy this year to have received my flu shot) but suffice it to say it has been a real knock out deal. I actually ended up temporarily hospitalized due to uncontrolled vomiting. All is better in The Asylum now, and here is a shot of hope that the hubby doesn’t get it. Both kiddos were down and we think Papa may be one the verge (and quite honestly, hubby is feeling rundown and has a sore throat — I dang positive that is how mine started only add an earache.) But long and short of it, I am on the mend – I can¬†eat and that makes me happy!! Hubby is going to throw together a homemade Chicken Noodle Soup tonight – I am so looking forward to that! I will have a post hopefully before the night’s end with the results of an under the weather...

My Shoes

When I lost Rhys, I had someone share this poem with me via *GASP* MySpace (are they even still around?) Today being October 15th – National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, and my constant reminders of my angels watching over me lead me back to this poem I have kept. Just for those who do not know, today is a day to remember those little babes taken from their families lives through circumstances uncontrollable. If you would participate, a special and beautiful activity occurs worldwide on this day, called ‘The Wave of Light.’ Everybody lights a candle at 8:00 pm their local time and lets it burn for at least an hour. The idea is that with everybody lighting their candles, a wave of light crosses the entire globe through the day in honor and memory of those who have suffered a miscarriage or the loss of an infant.¬† Now to the poem. The copy that was sent to me was indicated Author Unknown at the bottom, and to my knowledge that is the case. If you, or someone you know deserves¬†intellectual¬†rights to this, please inform me and I would love to provide the proper credit. The reason I love this poem is that it applies so perfectly to this situation, and it provides a new way of looking at it. Comparing the grief and pain felt when that woman loses her child to a lifelong pair of ill fitting shoes was a perfect comparison. My Shoes I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one that wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and they ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much. Some have worn these shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child. ~ Author...

Life After Loss: Still A Day To Day Process

Fall ushers in cooler weather (for some of us), school days, Halloween, pumpkins, Thanksgiving….a slew of family focused, or more specifically, children focused activities. This has become one of the hardest seasons for me, reminding me that life after losing a child or children, is still a day by day process; and no matter how many years pass – the feeling that my grieving is still happening. I want to be entirely, unendingly happy; and happy for all of the wonderful milestones that people want to share about their little ones. And finally not to have¬†every single one bring tears. Now, some even make me smile; but, with no rhyme or reason, some send me into a reality that still just isn’t fair sometimes. I have lost multiple children. I physically gave birth to two sons whose time here was entirely too short, and miscarried five others. I have hard days throughout the year – birthdays, angel-versary’s, October 15th…these are my days to think about my boys. I can’t give a name or a gender to the multiple early term losses – and those make me so sad; but with Rhys and Nicholas, it’s different. I got to hold them. I got to have a service for them. I got to be a mother to my own flesh and blood for just a little while.¬† I lost Nicholas in 2006 on the same day he was born. I went into labor and was sent home with the information that I was probably passing a kidney stone. I am not going to hash out the things that went wrong that day, or blame the hospital, or be angry anymore about the whole situation. The long and short of it was, I went into labor at 22 weeks gestation, by the time I was properly examined; it was determined my water was going to break any moment and there was no way of stopping the birth. 22 weeks just is not enough time to carry a child. He came into this world without a sound and was gone within 5 minutes of his entrance. The time and place I was in, in my life, now leaves me with very little in the way of physical memories of this child. I gave birth in March 2010 to Rhys and got to spend almost 2 months with him, almost every single day at Vanderbilt Children’s hospital. Two months of emotional ups and downs, tests of faith, seeing the miracles in modern medicine, and ultimately seeing that none of it was meant to save Rhys. In May of the same year, I once again had to let go of my very own baby, and figure out what direction my life was was taking – because it sure wasn’t apparently full time parenthood. Thankfully, this time around I am married to a fantastically thoughtful and amazing man who had the forethought to chronicle almost every second in pictures and words from the both of us. How lucky I am to have every single one of these reminders. 2013 – I figure I have a pretty good handle on things this year. I still think of my babies very often, but am finding that it leaves me a useless, heaping mess unable to function a LOT less. Then comes Fall time, beauty and the dying of the summer season and the year, and I find myself really bothered. I imagine days running after a 3 year old boy and what types of things might come with that. I have never progressed past very limited parenting and watching a child grow – a mere 2 months is the most I got. (In fairness, I get a ton of practice with my step kids; but only part time – and there is so much that you just miss coming into a child’s life later.) I imagine what kinds of things a 7 year old boy might be enlightening me about and what he might look like or talk like or have interest in. I wonder what they might want to be on Halloween (although the carefree days of being able to trust society like when I was young seem to be a thing of the past); maybe an Angry Bird, or hopefully a super hero? (I will admit, there would be major influence there hehe, both hubby & I are addicted to super heros!)¬† What would their interests be? And where would they excel¬†intellectually? Would they be readers, spellers, history buffs, maybe a math whiz? What kinds of sports would they favor, and would they go for mom and her Patriots and Broncos;...

Amber Alerts Down? Another Victim Of The Shutdown…Half Truths And What The Real Problem Is

My eye was immediately diverted when a Twitter blurb from Razor [@hale_razor] about the government shutdown and it’s latest ‘victim’ in the form of cuts claims the Amber Alert Website was down saying “if it saves one child ‘was just talk” and thousands just like it. And for those who missed it, visitors were indeed greeted by a white page with bolded typeface and an official DOJ seal, indicating that yes – it was closed due to the shutdown. Love The DOJ. The website that was untouched was Mrs. Obama’s ‘Let’s Move’ Website – which is her cause to end obesity is the US children. Ok, this is a useful site, but the comparison of obesity versus missing kids was a little excessive. However, fact that it takes 21 people to run her site compared to previous First Ladies’ typical staff of 1 for the same job,I believe could be a good comparison and could probably survive a little ‘slimming’ and continue to function. At first, I was enraged when I saw the tweet thinking that this was really a travesty of justice! At first they took our history and beauty in the forms of monuments, museums and national parks; but now they threaten the safety of our kids too! Imagine my surprise at going to the amber alert site & seeing it back up and thinking a little¬†bit more when I saw that this was not the place that I see active Amber Alerts, but instead a somewhat ‘administrative’ type site that does provide you some important information, but definitely is not detrimental to the actual alerts released for missing children. In fact, the Amber Alert system itself never quit functioning. The actual active Amber Alerts are found at The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and they addressed the issue above. Admittedly, I did not know that the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children was where to find the current Amber Alert information and this seemed plausible until I researched. This is such a great example of how someone finds a true fact and exploits the already confused and agitated emotions of the public as a whole to try to set the not entirely informed on a rampage. Social media and otherwise. After looking into all of this, I am finding voices out there that are only about the hype they can build on an incomplete truth. I say incomplete, because the ‘facts’ are in some way based on a shred of truth, but the urgency and play on emotional response is becoming typical and commonplace. I think it’s time for someone who is neutral to step in and explain what is happening – without the name calling and stone walling and outlandish representations of what is happening. Better yet, maybe it¬†should¬†be our elected representatives explaining, and being held accountable. I think it’s well time for Americans to get out there, ask questions, and¬†write your state officials. It really is time for all of the pettiness that has become politics today to change and we need to tell our representatives what to do. Prove to them that the constituents still care and that they are accountable for what they do. Stop sensationalizing bits and pieces of truth shards, get informed about what is going on and how that affects you – federal employee or not – and let your voice be heard! This¬†is still a Democratic society and no matter what you think of the President and the job he is doing – he’s gone in 2016. Unless enough people stand up and find just cause for impeachment, then he stays until then. I say it’s time to start figuring out what these politicians really do when the crunch comes (not what they say to get elected), and if it is not in the best interest of the people, get them out of there. And when 2016 come around, let’s hope an informed American public unites for what this country can be – not what the hashtag trending troublemakers are doing, the ‘oh, that’s cool because it’s different than any other time in history’ approach, or the ‘popular’ shoe in candidates of your ‘party’. It doesn’t really matter if we are Republican, Democrat, Tea Party, or any other group we classify ourselves if the overall promise, nationality, and ultimate success of America (from the top all the way down to the single person) matter? Can we not unite as a fiscally minded, compassionate and unified whole? Or are we going to continue down this path of me, me, me instead of ‘We The People’? RESEARCH The Daily Mail NBC LOS...